Wonderful Two's and How to Avoid Tantrums

I never thought I would be asking this. How do you deal with and avoid tantrums with your strong willed toddler? I need your tips! You see, Baby E was an easy toddler. When she turned two I kept wondering what everyone was talking about when they referred to the 'terrible two's'. I was like "Huh?"

With Baby T I now have the privilege of knowing exactly what they meant. My first was stubborn too, still is. But this boy, this adorable boy! He is Mt. Vesuvius if something doesn't go his way. Explosive! 

I tiptoe around picking my battles all day with him simply because listening to screams and tantrums non-stop isn't my idea of great parenting. I think we just need to be more clever. Harsh discipline doesn't work on him. He is sensitive just as much as he is stubborn. Plus it just seems silly to punish a two year old for behavior he doesn't yet know how to control, with his molars coming in on top of that. 

Need an illustration? This morning as he was still asleep and I'm working up in the attic, I saw him wake on the baby monitor and went to nurse him back to sleep, it was still early. He was laying horizontally across the bed, but in order to move him I needed to take the covers off him and cover him again. The moment I touch the sheet he starts screaming that I'm uncovering him because in his mind, of course, he thinks I'm about to get him out of bed. So I just moved him quick, covered him, nursed him, and he was fine. But it's not always that easy. 

Like when we are in public and he wants to drag around my scarf in the dirt. Or when he thinks all the toys belong to him at the library. When he wants, no needs, something specific that very moment because that is the world to him. It's harder when it feels like the whole world is staring at you. 

I have found a few specific things that work for his stubborn nature, but I hope you can offer some advice as well! 

Timing: It is everything with toddlers! Two seconds and you're too late in preventing a tantrum. When you learn their behavior patterns, you can quickly assess when you need to step in with an intervention before a meltdown, especially when you're in public. At home, you have more opportunity to stand your ground or just let them understand you will not be bending over backwards for whatever it is they want. 

Favorites: I take a mental note of the things Baby T really, really loves: tractors, trucks, airplanes, butterflies, the moon, pencils, etc. When I know he is about to break down - something that's a favorite of his is almost a sure way to get his attention. "You want to look at the truck book with mommy?!" or "Let's go look at the butterflies!" Doesn't always work, but often does.  

Distractions: Favorites are used to distract, but you can also do something random. If I know he will scream and bend backwards when I take that pointy stick out of his hand, I just exclaim "Look at that fly, look a fly!" right as I'm taking the stick away. He is paying attention to something else now and is less likely to notice I took something away. 

Blah blah blah: Sometimes all I need to do is ramble on about nothing to get him to listen to my voice, trying to make sense of what I'm saying, and he forgets whatever he was about to get very upset over. It can be complete non-sense, or something interesting like "Did you know daddy drove the car to work today? Is it a big car or a small car? Do you know what color it is? Silver, that's right! Let's go see if the car is outside or not..." 

Learn the triggers: We have a few. I know it will be a bad day if he had too much screen time (no TV here, but we do have YouTube). I know if he is hungry I can't reason with him. Too much sugar and junk? Yep, meltdown. Too close to nap time, new teeth coming in. Sometimes things we can control and other times not so much. For teething, the two things that work for us are teething tablets and pods - helps to keep related tantrums to a minimum. 

Be silly! Kids love when their parents are silly! When all else fails I do this sometimes. Make funny noises, do a funny dance, do something odd, always gets their attention! Okay, you will not see me doing this in public, but at home I don't care :) Then ask them to join in, they'll forget whatever it was that was going to send them in a downward spiral.

Nurse: When all fails, nursing works like a charm. Okay, sometimes before even trying anything else, because it is a sure way to distract him and knowing he will not nurse forever - it's something we both cherish, he just doesn't know that. Honestly, I don't know how moms who wean early get through toddlerhood without nursing, that must make it a lot harder! 

I can't think of everything now, but anyway. I need more tricks up my sleeve, so

what works for you and your strong willed, stubborn, Mt. Vesuvius child?  

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