A Glimpse into Eco-Babyz #2: Attachment Parenting

I didn't know the actual term attachment parenting existed until baby E was a few months old. When I read about it for the first time, perhaps in a Mothering magazine, a mom blog, or some forum, I realized I've already been practicing it all along. I believe that a mother's intuition is never wrong. To me it just always made sense to follow my baby's cues, meet my baby's needs, making everyone happy because the baby is happy. Word of warning, you will may find this offensive and if you wish - you can stop reading now if you're anti attachment parenting.

I find it ironic that those that tell me to Ferberize my baby are the same parents that tell me "They're cute and cuddly now, but just wait until the teenage years, what a nightmare!" Time and time again I find direct correlation between a 'detached' style of parenting and troubled teenagers. Our society preaches toddler independence and then the parents reap the rewards in adolescence. Most parents I come across that have practiced attachment parenting don't dread their babies growing into teenagers, they actually enjoy that phase of their life!

Attachment parenting to me does not mean I will spoil my child. I don't consider putting the needs of my baby above my own as 'spoiling', that's called love in my book. We still have boundaries, we teach right and wrong, but our emphasis is on our relationship, not material things. In my opinion, the cry it out method and similar practices only teach the baby that he/she can't trust you, putting a permanent dent in your relationship. It trains them to rely on themselves earlier than they are designed to handle. Besides, have you wondered what happens physically and emotionally to a baby who is left to cry it out? The negative impact is quite profound.

Parents want babies to sleep through the night and in their own room, then they keep wishing they were little again. People buy obscene amounts of plastic babysitters (play centers, jumpers, etc.) when all our babies really need for proper development is us. If you think differently then you should dig up the controversial experiments on orphans who failed to thrive and died without human contact. Our society feeds us this parenting style and we often blindly accept it. When I got my free Parenting magazine I was shocked at all the articles that go against my intuition as a mother (not to mention the amount of advertising). I knew this wasn't the route I wanted to go. Thankfully my husband agreed. We continue in our beliefs since baby E's birth on a chilly January evening, with her happily breastfeeding and not leaving my side for a moment. If a mother's touch can bring a baby pronounced dead back to life, then imagine what the babies being carted off to the nursery after birth are missing out on! I think we're doing our babies a huge disservice by distancing ourselves from them before they even have a chance to grow up.

In addition to my own experience, I have my mother as an example. My older sister and I are six years apart. She was very much a loved and wanted child, but when she was a toddler my mother left her for one year to be raised by her own mother so that she could pursue a diploma. I on the other hand have never left my mothers side because I was sick for most of my childhood. Needless to say, my sister's adolescence was not exactly trouble free and I'm the witness. There were other contributing factors, but my mom still thinks that this was her major mistake. I was never a problem as a teenager and I can personally attribute it largely due to my close relationship with my mother.

I can feel our choices paying off already when we get compliments on what a happy, free-spirited, and fearless baby our daughter is. I have many friends who are mothers and their parenting style might not align with mine, but that doesn't keep us from being great friends. Every now and then they ask "How come she's always so happy?" Then I let them in on our secrets...